In the UK, paying to be sexual with an adult is legal.
What's illegal:
- paying for sexual services of a child. If they're aged 13-17, a 'reasonable belief' that they were at least 18 is a defence to the charge which carries a maximum penalty of 7 years (if they are 16 or 17) or 14 years (if they are 13-16). If they're under 13, you have no such defence, and the maximum penalty is life imprisonment.
- kerb-crawling - soliciting from or near a motor vehicle you have just got out of - and persistently soliciting in general for the purposes of prostitution. Since kerb-crawling was originally made illegal in 1985, the powers of the police have been increased: you can now be arrested for kerb-crawling and lose your vehicle.
Making it illegal to pay for otherwise legal sex with a 16 or 17 year old is new - part of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 - and it will be interesting to see what effect it has.
Being a good client
In general, receiving a good service from a sex worker comes down to your attitude.
Escorts are just like anyone else who provides a professional service. The nicer you are to them, the nicer they are to you and you both enjoy a better time.
Escorts offer a wide variety of services including companionship, advice, development of sexual technique and of course discreet sex.
Before
What is it you want to get from the escort? For example, some people want sex with a particular sort of person, others want particular sorts of sex.
If it is your first time, it might be a good idea to ring or email a few different escorts to find out how they work and remember that safety should be a concern for both of you.
Many escorts do not answer calls where the caller's number is withheld or respond to text messages, so if that will be a problem for you, email may be best.
As with any other deal it is important to agree the details. If you don't discuss your requirements, expectations, anxieties and the cost of the service you might not get the service you imagined.
In particular, if you want a specific service, it is always better to find out in advance whether it is provided as this will save time for both you and the escort.
For example, most female escorts offer sexual intercourse as a service, but not all do, and many don't offer anal intercourse. Some male escorts only offer an 'active' service (they'll fuck you, but won't let you fuck them) etc etc.
Most will make this clear in their advertising or website, but if not, ask.... politely! If you're not polite, you'll sound like someone who's more interested in 'talking dirty' and end up talking to the dialling tone.
Similarly, if you have any particular non-sexual needs or requirements, let them know. Many escorts are happy to work with people with disabilities, for example, and more will find it difficult to work with people with certain disabilities but will be fine with others.
For most people, the less of a surprise you both have when meeting, the better.
Many escorts will ask you to confirm the appointment a short time before it is scheduled. Don't forget! If you don't confirm it, they may assume you are a 'timewaster' and make other arrangements.
If you are visiting them, some escorts will give directions to their general location, and ask you to ring when you get there. This is a sensible security measure on their part.
During
Please remember that the escort is another person, and make sure you've had a shower or bath and brushed your teeth shortly before meeting or on arrival if you're travelling to them.
When you meet the escort don't forget your manners! Saying hello and complimenting the escort help to soften the introduction.
If they or their agency has clearly misdescribed the person in front of you, now is the time to complain.
On the other hand, if they were described honestly and you just change your mind on meeting, it is normal to give the escort around half of their fee to cover their expenses and wasted time.
If you haven't already agreed the details, the escort will usually establish what you want, how long you want the service for and how much it is going to cost.
Most escorts will expect to be paid immediately on meeting, or very soon afterwards. As few will accept either a credit card or a cheque - never assume that they will unless you have agreed this in advance - you should have the cash available. If this is handed over in an envelope or pointed out, the escort will be able to discreetly check it.
If they have come to you, the escort will often check out the place. Don't worry, they're not 'casing the joint' for a burglary, but making sure that, for example, there's no-one there they weren't expecting.
The escort will usually make a call to someone (eg their agency) to say they where they are and how long they will be with you. This is for the escort's personal safety and is normal practise. When your appointment is over the escort will usually make another call to confirm that all is well.
If the agency (or friend) has not heard from the escort they will call your number to speak to them, to see why the escort has not been in touch. If they do not get to speak to the escort they will implement their safety procedures, for example calling the police.
Don't be offended if the escort declines to have a drink or share some drugs, or declines to see you if you're clearly under the influence of either.
And so to bed?
Safer sex is safer for you and safer for the escort. It's also less expensive for the NHS and great news for a healthy future. If you have concerns that you might have been at risk for HIV or another Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) you could check out the Working Men Project website
When an escort insists on using condoms or more lube etc, they are not only respecting their own health and business they are also protecting yours.
Afterwards
Think about how it was for you. Did you get what you wanted? What enabled or stopped that? Do you want to do it again?
Escorts to be aware of
Many sex work projects think that stories of widespread trafficing in sex slaves to work as escorts in the UK are exaggerated. Not everyone from countries in Eastern Europe or the Far East is working here against their will.
But some are. (And only hiring British escorts is no guarantee that they're not being forced into it either.)
If as a client you come across someone you think is being made to work against their will, you have a duty to help them. If you don't want to tell the police directly, you can call the independent Crimestoppers charity on 0800 555 111 or let a sex work project know.
Remember, having sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you is rape, even if you've paid money for it.
What do sex workers look for in a good client?
Remember, good clients tend to have better times.
Showing them respect is one main way. That means accepting their limits, not trying to haggle on prices or do things that they have said no to.
Reliability is another, being on time (much too early can be as bad as much too late).
... and what do they want to avoid?
Bad personal hygiene is the big one. Even if you're going to end up messy, starting the encounter clean.
(And if you've travelled on the London Underground on a hot day, you'll need a shower on arrival.)
People who treat them like sex toys, rather than people.
People who expect them to do all the work.. unless that's what's been agreed.
Comments? Queries?
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